Yesterday was a good day…overwhelming but good.
Doctor was so great.. took the time to talk and to see what I am going through. It was hard to explain.. I am still going through that broken speech, frustration when I can’t do simple things. I understand now… I understand how my brain is working. I understand that I always have to do something, I can’t stop. When I was talking with Alana this morning, it was a great awareness and she understands and can relate to what I am going through because of her daughter and son. That is nice to know that there is someone that can relate to all this.
I would have to cut back on something.. but for me if I take something away I would have to replace it with something else in order for me to feel productive. So this is going to be a process. My brain is thinking and overloading with ideas, thoughts, actions, planning, emotions which maybe running my cognitive thinking out of whack .
I am on a different medication, I am hoping that this will help me find a comfort level and I am supposed to create a journal of what I am going through. What triggers my issues, I am hoping that I can help those that maybe going through what I am going through. It’s not easy and there are people that won’t understand YOU. It can be simple for them to say just stop doing this.. but you don’t know how to and they don’t and can’t understand the thought process on that whole situation. This won’t be an overnight solution… finding a level to where you feel comfortable and knowing that you are not going to be the same, you are not going to feel the same, act the same and learn to accept that you will be different. Maybe quieter, secluded, not social, going out, driving here and there, being out on your own. Depending on your family more, which that in itself is harder to concept.
People will say just stop thinking, relax, read a book, drink tea.. OMG that is the most stupidest thing anyone can tell someone that is going through this.. please don’t suggest that to anyone.
I can’t do what my heart wants to do… I have to learn not to deal with deadlines, expectations, demands, schedules, requests, etc… for right now and just take this process and move forward in a more quieter, comfortable, stress free environment. Not to expect demands that I put on myself or I have to’s on myself. If I don’t then I don’t want to imagine what will happen to me.
Music is a conceptual link to creativity… bringing sound-words-emotion and vision as well as imagination for a creative vision of art… whether it be through a story, paint or digital.
See.. there I go… replacing something else to fill the void.